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Building Beehives – Time is Money

Beehives beg to be built from scarp lumber. With the outside dimensions of 16-1/4 x 19-7/8, even seemingly useless construction scarps can be used.

This year, I plan to make a Vlog series on how to start beekeeping for zero dollars.

I have built hives from old pallets. When people hear that, they immediately start posting comments about chemicals in pallet wood. Well I have built about 12 hives from pallets and they are all doing fine. I simply made sure that the pallets were clean and unpainted.

However, if you have ever tried to disassemble a pallet, you know that it is a time sucking, board breaking, pain in the ass! So if it is in the budget, it is much easier to just buy lumber.

In a previous blog, I showed how deep supers can be built from 1x4’s. However even with that, I estimate that the lumber for 63 hives (top, bottom, one super, and ten frames) will cost $851.61.

Why 63? When trying to figure out how to cut the wood with the least amount of waste, 63 was the magic number.

Similarly, I estimate 63 supers with ten wood frames each would cost $592.00. These are of course only estimates and the actual cost so far seems to be around 120% of that number.

My goal for 2019 is to make 100 hives with two deep supers each. I already have enough equipment for 25 hives (17 of those have bees already). That leaves 75 hives. Even conservatively speaking that comes out to $1718.58 worth of lumber. Ouch!

I produced enough honey in 2018 to cover that cost but I’m cheap and I’d rather keep some of that money for other projects.

So when I came across (18) 6’x2’x2’ crates made out of quality yellow pine 1x4’s and ¼” plywood… well the cheapskate in me couldn’t pass it up.

I spent seven hours yesterday, with the help of my nephew Zane, disassembling the crates. Pulling the boards apart was easy but removing the wood staples from the plywood was monotonous to say the least. Over the course of seven hours I removed 2160 staples. I still have six more crates left to do but I already have over 400 board feet of 1x4’s ($250 value) and 32 2’x4’ sheets of plywood ($175 value).

Once I have disassembled the remaining crates, I will have saved nearly $700. That makes my time (and Zane’s) worth $66.67 an hour.

“A penny saved is a penny earned” – Ben Franklin

One last note on my nephew, Zane. That 13-yo kid produced as much work as any adult could have. I started working 2 hours before he arrived and disassembled 2 crates but once he was there, we were able to do 2 crates an hour – cutting my work in half. He did all of this for free but in the end I gave him $20 as a humble way of saying thanks. I couldn’t be more proud of that kid.

Lessons learned harvesting my first goose.

Let me start with how it all went down. 

I didn’t mean to name the geese but, like an earwig that burrows into your brain, the name Bruce the Goose was named in my mind, even if I didn’t say it out loud. I later named the other goose, Bradshaw after Nick “Goose” Bradshaw from Top Gun.

I invited my son-n-law, Noah and my nephew, Zane (13) over to help. Noah Brought his brother Ethan and Zane brought his friend (whose name escapes me).

The first thing I did was to catch Bradshaw and place him in a cage inside the house. I didn’t want him to watch.

Then we caught Bruce and placed him in an old duffel bag like I had read on Homesteadingguide.com. This turned out to be excellent advice. It calmed Bruce down and helped to make the whole harvest more relaxing.

As I mentioned in an early blog, I had bought a 16.5” meat clever to do the deed with. I made sure it was razor sharp. We also made a chopping block out of six scrap 4x4’s and placed it on a saw horse.

I had intended on placing a string around the birds neck but decided not to because I was worried it might stress it out. I should have used the string.

Once everyone was ready, I gave Zane the camera and had him record it. Since I couldn’t find an instructional video - I will use the footage to make an instructional video later this year.

With Ethan holding the bag, I unzipped it just enough to allow Bruce to peak out.

I removed my hat – it just felt like I should.

Then Bruce, of his own accord, laid his head out across the block (see the picture). That’s when I did it.

The chop severed Bruce’s spine but I left about a quarter of his neck intact. Blood sprayed out and we let the bag fall to the ground.

With his spine severed, I know Bruce wasn’t in pain but it took about a minute for him to stop moving. In the video, you can hear a sad death grown about five or six times – I didn’t notice the sound in real time.

I had been very stressed about killing the bird but when it was over, I felt completely normal. I realized that Bruce was no different than the other birds I had bought from the store over the years – I was just more involved this time.

“I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen

So what did I learn?

1. The duffel bag is a great way to kill a goose. It calmed the goose down and it calmed me down.
2. Use a string! If I had tied a string on Bruce’s neck, then I wouldn’t have rushed my chop and I would have cut his head clear off.
3. Cutting the head off removes just as much blood as slicing the throat. Countless videos said that if you cut the head off, the heart would stop pumping out the blood. This was not the case with Bruce. The blood sprayed out and when I cleaned him, there was almost zero blood inside of him.
4. Fatten up the goose. I wanted Bruce’s last days to be as happy as possible but allowing him to free range kept him from putting on any weight. Bruce was the skinniest bird I have ever cooked. In fact, he was barely an appetizer.
5. Get a young goose. Not that I had the option, as geese are really hard to find. But Bruce was older and his meat was so tough that I LITERALLY broke a sweat carving him on Christmas.

All and all, this was a good experience and I will definitely harvest more birds in the future. I’m not sure I will harvest a Christmas goose again but only because I made a turducken from scratch that came out much better (so that may be our new Christmas tradition).

Lastly, this is my first blog of 2019. Since I got so much traffic last year, I have moved to WordPress. I will continue to post the same blog on both Honeyhomestead.blog and Thebunglingbeekeeper.blogspot.com for now. However, I encourage you all to become followers on the honeyhomestead.blog site.

Blueprint - 1x4 Deep Beehive Super

If anyone is interested, here is the Blueprint for my 1x4 deep beehive super.

"A Goal without a plan is just a wish." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery (That's is my new favorite quote!)

As I mentioned in an earlier blog this super is built with 1x4's and cost about $9.50 to build. Using nine 1x4's 8' long will give you four deep supers with almost no waste.




Here again is how you cut them for optimal efficiency:

Cut Board One: (3) 19 7/8" and (2) 14 3/4"

Cut Board Two: (5) 14 3/4" and (1) 19 7/8"

Cut Board Three: (4) 19 7/8" and (1) 14 3/4"

Then repeat two more times.

Keep the scraps for handles.

You will also need a scarp of wood to make the (3/8 x 5/8 x 16 1/4") end strips.

One thing I did different this weekend was that I bought some untreated cedar fence slats for the end strips. They were about 6' long 6" wide and 11/16" thick. I planed them down to 3/8" using my table saw (in what was obviously an unsafe manner). Then I cut them into 5/8" strips and cut them down to length.

It's a small bit of wood but maybe the cedar will keep the moths out.

Helpful tip: If you are fighting your saw, it might be time for a new blade. 

While cutting the cedar, I felt like I was date raping my saw. On inspection, I found that the 5-yo (overused) blade was missing the carbide tips on some of the teeth (or at least they were worn to nearly nothing). I replaced the blade and it cut like butter. I know I should have known better but it's not like you have to replace the blade that often.

If you like the plan or use it, leave a comment and let me know how it worked out for you.

11 Days Until I Murder The Christmas Goose... Maybe?

When I get home from work, I go outside and watch them - it feels perverse. Like I should tell them to rub the lotion on their skin or something.

"Killing is not so easy as the innocent believe." - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I've said it once but I want to be clear - I've hunted animals before... this is different. It hasn't exactly kept me up at night but with a 45-yo bladder, I think about it all nine times I get up to pee each night.

To make matters worse, my back has been out since I bought them (though I am starting to feel better today). Nonetheless, the constant nagging water-torture like pain has made me an emotional basket case and a real douche to live with (sorry, Jen).

I bought a 16.5"/2.5lbs Meat Cleaver to do the deed. Is this how Dexter Morgan feels?

Then there's the other goose. Will it have survivor guilt. Will it pine for it's little friend. Then I think, maybe I should kill them both, that way neither one will miss the other. Is that psychopath thinking? "I'll kill you... I kill all your friends too just for knowing you!"

Maybe at the last minute I'll flinch... or maybe I'll go through with it and Jen will finding crying in the floor of the shower.

What if it looks at me?

"It's a nice day, Lennie. Go ahead and take off your hat."
"Okay, George. Are we going to have rabbits on the farm, George?"
"Sure, Lennie. Now look out across the river and imagine how it will be."
"Just me and you, George?"
"Sure, Lennie. Just you and me." BANG!

11 Days to go. Tick-tock, Clarice.

13 days Until I Murder the Goose (warning: explicit language)

The reason I bought two geese was so I could kill the mean one for Christmas (which ever that one turned out to be) and still keep the other as a guard-goose for my chickens.

However, on releasing the geese into my backyard, all hell broke loose. My chickens hauled ass in every direction and only came back when I physically carried them back to their coop.

The geese (who had been very quiet up until now) began squawking at about 120 decibels running in circles.

My dog didn't know whether to chase them or hide... hell even the cat got loose and made a b-line for the neighbor's yard. Thank God I'm not raising emu's.

I put food and water in the enclosure and took my dog inside to allow everything a chance to calm the hell down. However, as night fell the two geese just stood in the center of the backyard. The temperature was dropping into the 20's and I began to think that I might not have to kill the birds after all... since they were going to freeze to death anyway.

Jen and I decided we should just put the geese into their enclosure. So I calmly walked them into a corner (I was calm, the geese were freaking the hell out). When I finally caught the goose, it immediately calmed down and became as docile as a puppy... A PUPPY!

However, the other goose (for the first time) became aggressive and spread it's wings and hissed at me to put his friend down. (note: these geese came from a flock of 40 but have somehow already become compatriots). It occurred to me, that I am not just going to kill a goose... I'm going to kill a goose who has a F***ING FRIEND! I started think of that scene from pulp fiction:

Jules: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rational, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charming mother f***ing pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?

I took the goose in hand and shoved it into the enclosure... but it ran right back out.

Let's try that again.

I caught the other goose and it became super calm too... these bastards know exactly what their doing!

Jen offered to hold that goose so I could catch the other one.

SIDE NOTE: the reason I have never bread my amazing German Short-haired Pointer (as originally intended) is because I know if my wife ever played with the puppies, I would end up with a house full of dogs.

So I handed her the goose but warned her not to pet it... and damn sure don't look it in the eye!

I then grabbed the other one, whom resumed his cuddly demeanor - the prick!

Then we tossed them both inside the enclosure and covered the entrance.

I obviously began having second thoughts about the upcoming dinner. However, since I can't keep two loud ass geese in my backyard and if I sell them they will still suffer the same fate, one of the those geese is still going to be on the Christmas table.

That was the end of day two.

14 Days Until I kill the Goose

The goose is an experiment in farming for me. I have chickens and bees but both earn their keep and will eventually die of natural causes and so I have never had to murder an animal.

Oh, I've hunted plenty but that is far different. In hunting, your interaction with the animal is momentary, distant, and sporting.

No, to raise a farm animal, means you have to feed it, care for it, and eventually kill it. I don't take this lightly -- in fact it bothers me a lot. However, I'm not planning on becoming a vegetarian, so to shy away from it is hypocritical (but understandable).

On Saturday, my wife and I drove three hours round-trip to Grenada, MS and purchased two geese. $70 for two large African Geese (I paid as much last year for a frozen one at Walmart).

I expected them to be aggressive but the farmer just grab each of them by their wing (up near the shoulder) and transferred them from his cage to mine. The two geese were sleek and quite beautiful. I quickly decided to harden my heart to them and closed the back door of my SUV.

I failed to make any sort of enclosure for them. To make matters worse, it was in the low 40's and raining all day Saturday. I did my best to build a cage for them but ended up pulling my back. So we brought the cage in the house for the night.

That was day one.